If you've been anywhere near Twitter this evening, you know something truly wonderful and unique and amazing and THE BEST is happening. In the space of two hours, Kanye West has tweeted 60 times and counting on, uh, his earnest pursuits in the realm of fashion and graphic design and nutrition and architecture and video games and publicity and medicine and law and science and app guys. You think Tom Ford is full of himself? Kanye West shits Tom Fords for breakfast. Then he irons out the shits into cutting-edge fabrics, and frantically cuts, sews, and laces that fabric through the night and into the morning, until he has produced the most unbelievable clothes — nay, FASHION + ART = FARTSHION! — in the universe. And he calls these clothes DONDA. But he calls all that other stuff DONDA, too! DONDA will be your everything. Just you wait and see. And what is DONDA? It's an acronym for Dis Original N***a Dresses Aight.*

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Man Swings His Nuts in Front of Packed Alvin and the Chipmunks

Tooth-deficient Chicago cinefile Edward Brown got a little overenthused during a recent screening of odds-on Oscars favorite Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked. According to police, Brown, 34, disrobed and "paraded in front of the audience at the North Riverside Park Mall's Classic Cinema."

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A Serial Killer Is Stalking the O.C.'s Homeless

"What we believe to be a serious, dangerous serial killer operating in Orange County" is how police described the man who has now stabbed three homeless men to death on California streets. The first victim, James McGillivray, 53, was killed on December 20, as he slept outside a shopping mall in Placentia. The second,…

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Rule #1 For Kids' Clothing Catalogs: No Naked Men

If there's one thing I think that most of us can agree on, it's that the internet can never have too few images of children frolicking in the surf as a naked man lingers ominously in the background. Right? That's just a given. Apparently the memo had not swung around to the marketing team of La Redoute, however, which…

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Chinese Billionaire Killed by Poisoned Cat Meat Stew

A billionaire tycoon from China named Long Liyuan died suddenly and mysteriously two days before Christmas. The only clue: a still-steaming bowl of half-eaten cat stew. Could it be? No, it's simply too easy, too dastardly, altogether too meowtrageous! But it's true: The cat stew was poisoned!

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Man Knifed Because He Didn't Know Jay-Z and Beyoncé Are Married

As the world sat glued to their media display devices awaiting the latest Beyoncé BabyWatch developments, one man — a 48-year-old resident of Ohio — whiled away the holiday weekend in a state of blissful Beyoncé ignorance. Not only was he unaware that a Lil-Z might shimmy out from between her million-dollar legs at any …

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KTLA weatherman Henry DiCarlo had a bit of a temper tantrum on the air today. He was just trying to conduct a Toys for Tots interview on location at L.A.'s Union Station when someone put up the weather report graphic, and there was an empty space for where Henry was supposed to go, but he was just trying to get children some toys and do something nice for the holidays and he's only one person and will everyone just get off his back for once! *Sooooooob*

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